Not bad for a Tuesday
Tuesday, October 31, 2006 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

A Third Medical School Calls My Name

...and it's like a prayer. Hell yeah. You can put one on the board.....yeeeessss!!!
This will be my THIRD interview. Hopefully I will get ONE out of THREE of these schools to accept me, and then I will KNOW that I'm gonna be an MD!

Exclusivity Agreement?

So the hot firefighter wants us to only see each other....he is a total sweetheart, and I'm flattered that he wants me to be his girl, so to speak.

He totally puts me in my place sometimes, too, when I start to push him a little, and he's so masculine and tough. I am transfixed by this different dynamic but also feel slightly miffed when he does it. My gut is telling me that he has the potential to step on my toes a LOT because he just says things without thinking. .

We'll see--I don't know where this thing with him will go because we are so different, but we do have a lot in common, too. I am definitely willing to keep it casual but simple--even if it just ends up being a sex thing, I could use some good, consistent sex in my life, that is for sure.

Now to completely contradict myself, when I typed that, and read over it, I just felt so...unsure. Can I have sex without loving the guy? Can I simply care about him and remain in a space comfortably distant from them, despite the fact that we're coming together in one of the closest ways possible?? Does B have to be a guy I could see myself with for me to have sex with him?

I'm just going to take it slow and keep focusing on all of the fun things in my life, and if this becomes something great with him, then fine. If not, it was another fun thing to add to the list. Since I have so many questions still about him, I'm thinking that the best way to solve it is not by getting freaky/naked/etc.

 



Chicago Love Rules 101
Monday, October 30, 2006 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Can our preppy Downtown girl find love with a hot, rough Southsider?

So I went on a date with a firefighter from the south side of Chi-town. He's a big Sox fan, and could definitely be found at Comiskey when the Sox are at home. He plays baseball and basketball when he's not at the station. When he opens his mouth, the accent just pours out--he's from a place where the street names are actually numbers and everyone in the neighborhood knows everyone else.

Traditionally, southsiders are blue-collar, and those of us in downtown are a big mix. Like, I don't find $950 unreasonable for a gorgeous studio with a city view. There is a part of me that wants to live more where the "regular" working people live, because that is who I grew up around. It is not so much that I feel like an "imposter" around the CPA's, attorneys, and corporate big-wigs in their perfectly starched suits ($19 for dry cleaning? Are you fucking kidding me??!) by day and their $300 jeans and Kenneth Cole blazers at night, it's that I know I just don't fit into that.

For whatever reason, it's a little sexy that this guy works so hard and is so manly. It is awesome when a man has a job he feels proud of, something he loves doing. It shows through him that he lives a purposeful life, that he isn't wasting his days at work.

We'll see about a second date, huh?
 



I'ma Call you Big Daddy and Scream Your Name
Saturday, October 28, 2006 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well....

Let's take stock of how this week has been, and what's to come.
Number of Med School Interviews: 2
Number of Medical Schools I REALLY want to go to: 1
....That interviewed me: 1
Number of times I wished it was early November so I would know: 102,382

Number of horrible, terrible set-ups from well-meaning friends: 2
Number of times I wished I could jump out the window: 23 (#1), 12 (#2)
Number of men that I jumped into a cab, without hugging, to (politely) get away from: 2
Number of men that I called Big Daddy and screamed their name: 0
Number of men that I WISH would come over here and help with the above: 2
Number of bad blind dates I am going to agree to in the future: 0

Number of fun dinners (like, laughing the WHOLE time) had with a good friend: 2
Number of halloween costumes considered: 2

xoxox,
K

PS: Everyone hold tight, my template and your blog links are coming. Big hugs to you!
 



Let Her Cry...or Not
Sunday, October 22, 2006 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

On Bended Knee?

So today in Walgreen's they were playing the Boyz II Men favorite: "On Bended Knee."

(For those of you not as nerdy as me, it is about a man asking a woman to come back to him, and he's on bended knee, so it's not just a cute title.)

Today, in the cosmetics aisle, I realized that in my heart, I didn't wish anymore that my STBX would "break down" and ask me back; that he would get on one knee like he did the evening he asked me to marry him; that he would start to send me large boxes (yes those long, long boxes) of long-stemmed roses with love notes written on those tiny cards. For the record, he knew that everytime someone else got a box of those roses (in college or at work or whatever) that I would go totally berserk--and he never sent any like that. Trivial things, I know. I guess I could be made out to sound like a money-grubbing biatch, but I would have accepted one perfect rose at any point from him. Just one. Beautiful. Rose. Not 36 if he couldn't afford it. Just one.

I remember I got a huge, gorgeous bouquet of flowers at the office when a friend thought I was angry at him--it had large pink, yellow, orange and white blossoms and was amazingly beautiful. In contrast, my STBX would catch a whiff of my fury and cower.

Tell Me I'm The Only One (Well, not quite!)

I don't think that I am that difficult for a man to please! Seriously (Um, the clitoris? J/K friends. Kind of. But seriously.) Dating wise, any man I'm into romantically who wants to step up to the plate and offer me his love, support and occasional flowers, receives all kinds of appreciation from me. When I'm smitten with someone, I know I do this wide-eyed, deer-in-the-headlights thing, which is the unmistakable "I'm crazy about you." This either proves irresistable or terrifying to the man.

I'm careful to not do that until I know that the guy is totally digging me, but I think it shows in other ways--the way I'll let him pull me in his arms, the way I'll squeeze his hand when he grabs mine, the way my heart leaps when he calls me (and the subsequent high-pitched voice).
Even though I am not traditionally a fan of public displays of affection, I want to meet someone that I feel confident cuddling with on the sidewalk. Someone who I will let hold me wherever he wants.

Bottom line? I am ready to be adored! The first step is adoring myself, and then being adorable.

If I can get into school soon I will feel MUCH more adorable, haha.

Nap, Party of One

I have been letting my fabulous self nap if I feel tired or overwhelmed or just plain exhausted. I will curl up under my light green quilt that a girlfriend gave me, snuggle up with Kermit the Frog (Hi, Ho! Is that frog calling me a HO??!) and slip away for an hour. I never let myself do this before and it has been really nice.

Will Vomit Show on a Dark Gray Suit?

So the interviews are tomorrow and Tuesday. I am confident, excited, nervous and anxious. Tonight I have to iron and pack my bag, pack my brain, and know that I am going to do the best I can. I have a brand new suit--it fits me beautifully (and is three different sizes, ladies, try on the pieces like the skirt and the jacket and the button up in two sizes, each to get length, fit, etc) and looks very professional. Now I just need the words to match.

Love Until Later.
K


 



A Moment Like This
Tuesday, October 17, 2006 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Two Interviews!

I am so excited. I have two interviews at two great medical schools, one coming up on the 23rd and the second on the 24th. I have been waiting for four years for this moment. Today when school #2 called, I started cheering with the dean right there on the phone! I know. I am a nerd.

Some people wait a lifetime for a success like this--these mean the world to me right now in terms of moving forward in my life and in my career and in serving others. I can't imagine how excited I will be if/when I get an actual medical school admission.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sing at the top of my lungs and dance like a nerd in my apartment.
 



Some Serious Birthday Sushi
Friday, October 13, 2006 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Sushi always tastes better than it looks. Seriously.
I always have to remind myself of this..It's okay if you do, too. Being a bonafide Californian, I ate a shit-ton of sushi, starting in high school when it was hip and continuing through college where it was commonplace. In the midwest, you have to really look for good sushi places. Thursday night I had a blast at Sushi Samba for my best friend's birthday party! Woo! I had the best spicy tuna rolls ever. And yes, I am aware that edamame is a total rip-off but I like it when other people make it. Somehow when I boil and ice it, it is never right.

This weekend--a possible bummer?
I had a friend coming out this weekend on a business trip, who was going to hang out* with me. Now he's had some family things come up and may not be able to make it. He left me a message yesterday and my heart totally sank when I read it because I was looking forward to seeing him. Oh, well. We will see what happens, right?

I do have a cool party to go to on Saturday and this guy was supposed to be my date, but whatever. I might need a date for this party on Sat, stat! What am I going to do??

(*hang out=If I get brave enough, I might actually get it on with this guy. Okay, so a 95% chance that I'm not going to get that brave. Damn! I can hear you all groaning from here. You guys only thought I was working the serious mojo...)

Fanmail, Total Request Live
So my last post about my next-door neighbor really stirred you guys up! I got some interesting emails, haha. I'm just sort of taking it easy with him for right now, I don't need a whole lot of drama. I mean, he put a few notes under my door. I had a drink with him. He's very cool. Yesterday, I came home to another note under my door from him inviting me to come over "anytime." I don't really think it would take a lot of work for me to seduce him, but I frankly don't want to work at anything right now--AND as my best friend would point out: "He's the guy. If he wants to be your man, his ass can step up to the plate."

The thought has crossed my mind that I could totally work the whole girl-next-door fantasy with him, put on cute pjs, fix my hair in pigtails and act like I needed his help with something in my apartment (amazing how things go wrong when I'm looking really hot all by myself at home, isn't it?!?!), but I just haven't been bored enough (or desperate enough, haha!) to start pulling that shit.

Also, I think he's kind of bummed. I get the vibe that something's a little, well, off with him. Perhaps transitioning back to being here in the states, and not machine-gunning things in the Marines is causing him some difficulty. I have no idea. I don't have any experience about what it's like to re-assimilate back into civilian life, and I'm not feeling, ahem, patriotic enough to fuck him for fuck's sake. I don't think I'm really that kind of girl anyway.
 



Mr. Right Now
Wednesday, October 11, 2006 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Hello, Mr. Right Now

I am having an interesting time thinking about what I really do want from men right now. (Crickets.)
Okay. What this is would entail a few things: Plenty of space, plenty of sex, and an occasional dinner date. Oh, and ice cream. In bed.

In summary: I don't need Mr. Right, I frankly don't have the emotional energy or patience to deal with such a man right now. I don't want to be working to be the "best" girlfriend right now. I want to be the "best" version of me and work on developing my relationships with my actual girlfriends, spending more time out on the town, more time reading books, more time trying to give myself a bikini wax. (Ouch!) But if Mr. Right Now wants to please me sexually, say sweet things to me and not try to rearrange my schedule, I will allow him to do so. If I don't find anyone suitable for Mr. Right Now, I won't be crying in my gluten-free cheerios. I am doing great all by myself for the first time in my life.

The Letters Under The Door

Has anyone ever gotten a letter in a bottle? I always wanted one of those. I think I got the next best thing: a handwritten note on an envelope from my next door neighbor, who happens to be about 6'1, has dark hair and eyes, and is stacked from head to toe (Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that! We all know who loves a good ass on a man--yours truly!) The man was a Marine, girls. He's recently back from his final tour in Iraq, and has a killer scar where he got wounded. (I know. Girls, keep breathing. Stay with me here.) Anyway, among other things, he noted in his note that he saw me moving in and wanted to come and talk to me, but didn't want me to feel freaked out by some "random big guy" knocking on my door.

I had a drink with him yesterday and he is really sweet and quite charming. (Perhaps that envelope was an application for Mr. Right Now?) We will see. I am proceding with caution but also am taking no prisoners. Is it a coincidence that my next door neighbor is a total hottie that happens to think that I'm beautiful? Life is good and fun, my friends. And I am about to have a rockin' weekend that includes a visit from a special friend, some birthday parties, and hopefully some hot action*.

(*By hot action, I mean in the non-sexual, totally platonic way. Everyone wave to my blog dad, John, from the Catholic Packer Fan!)
 



Coin-Op Laundry and other Adventures in High Rise Land
Sunday, October 08, 2006 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Jingle-Jangle! The ice cream truck? No. My Laundry Money.

I shit all of you not. My gorgeous, luxury building has....coin-op laundry. It would be even more funny if they had shag carpeting in there, and a lava lamp. I dug out a well-loved coin purse from waitressing, dumped out the little papers, and made a home for the quarters I'll need.

One whole week in my new place...and....

I am feeling GREAT! If you haven't heard from me it is because I was busy reading a book on my new bed, or making new itunes playlists for my living room. Since I have hauled out all of the boxes, hung my diploma and pictures on the wall, and lit some pretty amber candles, it feels amazing in here. I have a gorgeous west-facing view, the city lights sparkling in the distance as night breaks over the city. Oh, and did I mention I got a CAR? Yeah! It is a cute little SUV--perfect for zipping out to the suburbs or to medical school interviews, or to not have to take the bus home by myself late at night (not safe!).

My Theory of the Universe (A Sense of Humor)

The Universe is a balanced place. If you're going to get something amazing and incredible, you're going to either: a) get it at an inconvienient time or b) get something not-so-great that goes with it. There is no free lunch, no magic bullet, no free ride. (Ass, Grass or Cash, no one rides for free. Or maybe that's the bang bus? Nevermind.) Anyway, the two things need to balance, see? Yin and Yang. For example: I now have the blessing of this amazing apartment, my own space and privacy, wholehearted contentness, the ability to be the mistress of my own little domain. The con? Um, this whole ex-husband issue. Haha, Cosmos! You crack my shit up!

Headstrong, I'll take you on
I have this little picture (tattered from college dorm use) in my cute new bathroom which says:

"Life is too short and too fragile to let its gifts pass you by
Do what's in your heart and soul and be happy."

It is frightening to quiet yourself, to quiet your thoughts enough to really listen to what your heart has to say. I have been afraid a lot of my life to listen to my own heart, because what she was saying was:

1. Not what I was expecting
2. Not what I thought I wanted
3. Silly or Childish

But when you acknowledge your own true feelings, about yourself and about everyone in your life, something powerful happens. Firstly, I felt validated, and the messages from my heart grew louder now that I was listening to them. Secondly, I know that decisions I make from my heart (with consultation from my mind, occasionally) are decisions that I can stand by and will not regret. One day I can say that I lived, I loved, I laughed and I did the best I could. I am going to make mistakes regardless.
 



My own little world of Whatever
Tuesday, October 03, 2006 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Why does everything have to come in such complex packaging?

I don't mean this metaphorically. I am being serious. After unpacking a kitchen table, two chairs, a small couch and a bedside table (all from IKEA) it looked like my cute apartment was being swallowed by cardboard. I had to make two trips down to the dumpsters, unceremoniously dragging these large boxes (wrappers, etc) behind me, apologizing to fellow residents for hogging the elevator and the hallway. Also: IKEA is a fabulous place to obtain furniture (which I assembled all by myself! Woo!) but is a giant clusterfuck, aka the most fun I NEVER want to have again. But they did have awfully good food. (Maybe I'll find a man who wants to take me on a dinner date to IKEA. Haha. Maybe not.)

On Living Alone

I realize that I haven't been out here "on my own" for very long, but I guess I thought I would feel more lonely. Feelings tend to hit me right away, and hit me hard. What I am trying to say is that if I was going to be depressed here, I would already be there. I have realized that my priority is that I feel that there are people that care about me, people that know me. Further, this doesn't have to be embodied in one person.

We only have to be in this alone if we make it so. I choose to not be in it alone. Being single and being in my own place can be filled with exuberance, triumph and enthusiasm; or it can be filled with despair, loneliness and sadness. I choose the former.

I look out my floor-to-ceiling windows, over the dazzling city and into the night sky and am filled with contentment and hope. I have not cried any tears in this place, in my place. My new place.

On Being Real

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to "be yourself." There are a lot of versions of this that decidedly miss the point:

Being who people expect you to be
Being who you think people expect you to be
Being what you think someone would like or want

The nice thing about not being yourself completely is that if people don't like it, then they haven't rejected YOU because you weren't being yourself. But what is sad is that you didn't give them the chance to like you because you weren't being yourself, either.

It will take a lot of strength for me to consistently be myself across the board, and respect the rejection I may encounter, acknowledging that everyone is not going to find my quirks "cute" or "amusing." Someone will. I certainly do. I crack my shit up if I must say so myself.

I didn't steal your boyfriend

Okay, so the thought of having a boyfriend right now makes me feel decidedly claustrophobic. It sounds selfish, but to have to deal with someone else's whatever while I am still getting settled in makes me break out into hives. I'll be ready for commitment at some point, but I will understand what the true cost of that relationship is. Time spent with that boyfriend is time that I am not choosing to do whatever I want, time that I am not laying around my house, etc.

But on second thought, the idea of having a boyfriend makes me feel a little bit excited too.
The feel of a man's hand on the small of my back. His voice in the middle of the night: "Oh, sweetheart, can't you sleep?" while he pats the smooth cool of his chest for me to crawl into. Maybe I've been reading too many romance novels. Let's try to be realistic. Okay. Rephrase. Someone who has his own place, his own job, his own world that he allows me to visit every now and again.
 




In my own little world of whatever. I'm just sayin'.

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