The Slick Adventures of Downtown Girl

Chatterbox

Thursday, March 29, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

For any of you who know me in real life

You know that I am a complete and total chatterbox...and now everyone else will too. This is mainly a byproduct of me being happy/perky most of the time mixed in with loving to think out loud.

It is definitely an idiosyncrasy because from time to time I have been known to talk the pants off of family and friends.

Last night, with the very early morning looming ahead, I started eagerly talking to R while we were snuggled into bed. He was (understandably) NOT amused. I was (slightly) hurt by this reaction, seeing as he and I haven't had a lot of time to connect this week, and he sensed it. Instead of pulling away or just falling asleep, he moved in to comfort me and to give me his attention. Instead of putting himself first, he put me first and realized that right then, in that moment, that I needed him.

Intersection

He's going on a business trip and won't be back until Saturday, which will give me even more time to miss him and hopefully him, me. I left him a note on an index card this morning wishing him a good trip and letting him know that seeing him last night and this morning makes today that much better. I am proud of myself for being brave enough to leave him little notes every now and again when I leave his place. I am the kind of person who wants to leave notes for someone I love, on scraps of paper, in my handwriting. It is more personal than a text message and less formal than a love letter or an email. I make sure that the notes are cool, funny and sweet without being overly so.

With everything going on in his life right now, I don't want to overwhelm him or make him feel like our relationship has a high cost to it or that he can't give me what I need. I would LIKE to spend more time with him but am in no hurry. I want to be one of those people that makes his life outside of work and bills and bullshit sweeter and more complete. (He definitely does that for me.) It is probably good that we are spending time apart and moving in our own directions towards our future careers and lives. I am chewing on the idea that moving in our own directions doesn't have to mean apart, and if we do intersect down the line, because we didn't derail ourselves to come together, our intersection would be even sweeter.

Breaking All The Ground

Monday, March 26, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

"Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together..."
-Jack Johnson, 'Better Together'

So I have decided to revise my Monday post because what I wrote early was terribly boring, and I've got much more interesting things on my mind lately.

Like how I am trying to be a responsible person and get to bed at a regular time since alarms go off before 7 am (Yeeeeech!)

Like how tonight I could tell that R was all wound up getting his house cleaned and his laundry done and all of his studying set. The man's got a lot going on but he did make me dinner.

And me? In rare form, while he made us dinner, I laid on his couch. Heh. After I had dinner with him (he made a great pasta and a spinach salad!) I let him know I was going to get going (despite my pink overnight bag in his entryway). Real sweet, I threw my arms around his shoulders and smiled at him.

Me: "I'd like to stay and hang out, but know you probably won't do the same things you would if I wasn't here."
Him: "I'd like you to stay, too, (sigh) but I know you're right. And I pretty much only have tonight to get this stuff done for Wednesday."

Because I am ACTUALLY comfortable being at my place, (in my jammies, in my bed), I can say things like that and leave gracefully. No simmering or feeling resentful or disappointed. Because I know, even better, understand now, that there's always tomorrow, this weekend, next week. If I don't sleep in his arms tonight, it will be sometime soon. It doesn't kill him (or me) to miss the other one, to be left wanting to see the other, to wish that we could spend more time day by day.

A younger version of me would have stayed and then not understood why she didn't have his attention, why he became cross and tired. She would have made it about her when it really had nothing to do with her. This older version of me is somewhere closer to: "I deserve your full attention, and you deserve to get the things done that you need to do. When you're available to give me your full attention, let me know."

Besides, I knew I would feel awkward sitting on his couch or pretending to do other things while he was cleaning or studying or doing God-knows-what. Worse, if I was watching TV or something like that, he probably wouldn't want to get his stuff done, and he is clearly unsettled about the fact that his projects are not completed. And I know what that feels like. Finding balance in life for work, love, live, relaxation and everything else is something that no one else can show us.

I know he's got me as a priority, because he clearly dropped everything to make me dinner tonight. He was grateful that I recognized he needed the time tonight ('cause the month is ending soon and his deadlines loom) but was still disappointed that I had to go. He clearly would rather hang out and play. And this is what I want to see; that I'm important to him, that in his perfect world, we'd spend all kinds of time together no matter what day of the week it is.

And, he responded perfectly to the situation, making sure that we have plans for another weeknight this week; playfully reminding me to "pack a bag." Him making sure he was going to see me another night (and incidentally, the NEXT possible night he's available!) just cemented in my head that we can be on the same page throughout a busy week, that we can be flexible but still loving, that I can be important but not always need to be first. He walked me out into the warm night, my bag slung over his strong shoulders. (I feel happy that I have someone I pack overnight bags to go and see, and that my guy doesn't seem to mind what it looks like when he carries my incredibly feminine bags.)

You know what, R? I think I'm REALLY starting to get the hang of this whole relationship thing. Somehow, with you, I'm unselfish without keeping score, giving without giving too much, thoughtful without conceding what I really want. I am really excited about who I am when I'm with you, because it's still me. I am capable of loving you, without losing me. Even if in three weeks, three years, thirty years, we're not together, and our love only lives in my memory, I will know that you were the first man I was able to love without rearranging myself to do so. I don't think you realize how much I have grown in the past year, in the past six months, in the past six weeks. I met and had the good fortune to fall in love with you at an incredibly interesting point in my life.

On this warm spring night here in downtown, all I can think is: Look at us, baby. Look at us. Look at me, in love with you, breaking all the ground.

"She's breaking all the ground,
breaking all the ground,
breaking all the ground out from underneath
she keeps breaking all the ground
breaking all the ground
breaking all the ground out from underneath..."
Joe Firstman, 'Breaking All The Ground'

Sunday afternoon thoughts, now with EVENING!

Sunday, March 25, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Afternoon, around 3 pm today
I listen to that song "At last", letting it slowly wash over me, and think about dancing with you at that wedding this January.

I want you to ask me to move in with you this summer, but I don't know what I would say. But I want you to ask.

I want to give you all of the poems I've written for you, in pretty cursive, on that fresh, white paper, tied with twine but I know I'm not brave enough to do that. (I think you'd like them but I'd feel too vulnerable after that, too open.)

I want you to think I'm perfect for you without me being "too" perfect. (I feel like an idiot worrying if I am "too" this or "too" that for you, by the way. You should like me how I am.)

I want you to text message me that you love me more often, like you did this week.

I want you to miss me when we're apart and I don't want you to know that sometimes I have to focus on not calling you and on doing other things. I am still in the side-effects of de-coupling, that world where things are always done on a team.

I know that I need to go to the grocery store, that I need to drive through the pharmacy, that I could do a load of laundry, but all I want to do is get back into bed. I'm in that weird PMS place that swings between a pseudo-depression and a pseudo contentedness without warning.

Perhaps it is good that we can't get together tonight--I don't want you to think I'm in a bunch about stuff, but a part of me wants you to see me in "a bunch" a few times and want to be my boyfriend anyway. I am horribly irrational this afternoon. Sigh.

**This just in: Evening thoughts (10 pm)
As promised, you called me to see how my day went. You have perfect timing, I had just been pulled out of my funk by a good girlfriend who recognized I was despairing and drove to downtown to have dinner with me. So, I sounded perky and sweet for you on the phone. I made our inside jokes and you laughed. I love the way you laugh when you think something's really funny or if I say something unexpected.

Cosmic Love Letters
Indeed, it is good that we didn't get together tonight as previously planned because I would have missed having my girlfriend come through for me like that. And you got to see your sister! I'm glad that in addition to seeing me this weekend, you got to see your guy-friend and your little sister. I'm amazed at how non-possessive I feel of our relationship, because younger versions of me have seen sharing a partner with others sometimes as a slight in loyalty or a sign that the guy's priorities are out of whack.

Last night, I had no problem with your friend coming and joining us because we had just had a few hours together alone on the couch. Also, I knew I was sleeping over and would have time with you in the morning, that I would wake up curled under your arm, your breath on my neck. Meeting your friends at a bar or having your best friend over on "our" date night doesn't change that you're going to give me one more kiss goodnight or that you're going to squeeze me before we fall asleep. (I can't believe how well-adjusted I'm becoming, that I can type a sentence like that, read over it and be nodding my head.) This security with having other people around us, this willingness to share our time, I'm hoping you realize on some level how valuable this is. I am growing into a more secure woman everyday. I don't know if your ex was possessive or jealous or if your friends liked being around her, but I am pretty sure your friends at least don't mind hanging out around me. (You need to meet more of my friends, by the way.)

A little bit of alone time with you goes a long way for me because we connect so quickly and so deeply with one another. You need to have YOUR other people around you that love you, too. Being around other people helps us compare and contrast what we bring to each other's life as well. I really love you today. I really do. Being around you just a little bit and being so close makes me ache when we're apart. I love how you said you'd call and then you did. You are a complete dream.

Team Kate in Full Force
Back to my friend. She must have understood how stressed I was and I loved the way she recognized my need to hang out without making me feel needy. She was simply like, "Have you eaten?" And I was like, "Nope." She was like, "Well, let's get some food then."

This week a good guy friend of mine spent a lot of time helping me with my new computer, setting up my internets and even bringing over some music that he thought I would like. For example, I have already learned that I love to nap or sleep to Finley Quaye's CD "Maverick A Strike" and that when I'm just cruising the internets I am digging Nelly Furtado's CD "Loose." I didn't realize this until now (I am saying that a lot lately!) but since I got itunes, I don't really listen to CDs straight through. I had lost the value of doing that. It is amazing to have people who are so thoughtful of me and my needs, who really try to put it out there for me. I am surrounded by people who love me.

Internal Medicine
Five days of 12 hour days is going to be really tough on me. I normally put a lot of internal pressure on myself, but throw in PMS, the sight of my boss pasty and dissheveled in a hospital bed, not seeing the bf very much and a laundry pile that's threatening to eat me alive...NO WONDER I wanted to sleep for 5 hours today. No wonder I wanted to stay at R's house, worlds away from all of these little issues.

Taking the good with the bad

Thursday, March 22, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Finding my Rhythm*

*Or, how Kate got her groove back

Tonight I realized, that for the first time, that I am ACTUALLY okay with not having a lot to do on the weeknights. That the few hours I spend after I get home from work, before I go to bed, if they are in my apartment totally by myself, are not being simply "passed" or even "wasted" but are a good time for me.

When I dig deeper here I realize that all of my "independent" life (aka not living at home) has always involved living with someone else, a roommate, an ex-husband. Being in here by myself doesn't mean that my relationship with my boyfriend or my friends isn't great. I used to think that when other people said that they "liked" unwinding in their apartment by themselves at night, that they were lying, you know, the way people do when they say they LIKE running or that they ENJOY brussels sprouts. I thought it was because they hadn't lived with anyone else or that they were anti-social.

Moving in Phases
Initially when I moved in here I was still in a lot of shock, in that phase where you're just trying to survive, and then graduated to the "Look at me I'm on my OWN and doing fine! DO YOU HEAR ME?!? I'm FINE! Look! FINE! Would you help me convince MYSELF that I'm fine, please?"

Next came the "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with myself all alone in this apartment" phase, coupled with the "I know! I'll go on dates! I'll join clubs! I'll work late! All so I don't have to act like I don't have anything better to do then be HERE! So I don't feel like I'm going to be relegated to my little dark apartment for the rest of my life!"

And then, in the middle of that, I met R. And we spent a lot of time here together, which was beneficial for me when I look at it in retrospect. Being with him here and seeing how comfy he felt here actually HELPED me realize that I am okay here. It also fueled that fire, that deep-seated burn within me to have a man in the house, someone who's going to let me relax to sleep with my head on his chest, someone who's going to hold my hand in the middle of the night.

Follow the leader
Let's talk about R's example for a second. He is so strong in his place by himself, so used to being on his own, working crazy hours with no problem, making himself something to eat, going to bed, so in his own world. It is a good example for me, because if he can do it, I can do it. I have other friends who do it. And I was merely copying them all, going through the motions, until I...don't know when....I guess a few weeks ago. But what I do know, internets, is that if you give yourself about six months, you can figure out some stuff. Like that you're actually (rather than, theoretically) okay with being at home, that it isn't a "bummer" or a "let down" or no fun, that there isn't something you'd rather be doing or somewhere else you'd rather be.

Ultimately I still want to have a shared life with someone, to come home and look forward to seeing that person at the end of good days and bad, to be on a "team" where household things get done by both people, to have two capable people bringing in income and sharing the benefit together. I know that when I face that situation I will be better than I was the first time, because I've settled into being on my own. My personal comfort and well being won't be so tied into where the other person is and when they are coming home, because I'll be okay at home by myself if my man is on a business trip for a few days, working some sort of creative rotation, or simply on an opposite schedule from me.

Prince Charming May Never RSVP to my party, anyway
If a "prince charming" never asks me to be his wife, I'll be fine coming home at night and taking care of things myself. That used to be my biggest and most deep-seated fear, that I'd have to face coming in to an empty home for the rest of my life. I'm serious.

Now to be fair, I think I would be BETTER as part of a family that was my own, but if that doesn't happen for me someday, it won't be the tearful, lonely, gray life that my heart and my mind's eye were scaring me with.

I'm sure it is normal to have that early 20's "Am I going to be lonely for the rest of my life?!" situation, especially after being surrounded by people (peers, boyfriends, potential boyfriends, best friends, classmates) 24/7 in college. Getting married out of college just downsized that whole party-of-500 thing to a party-of-2. Here I am, as a party-of-1.

I still don't have to sleep to dream
Am I having fun imagining what it would be like to live with R, to feel excited about making him dinner at night and the chance to fall asleep in his arms all of the time? You bet. Am I having a hard time sleeping if I'm not with him? Nope. (Well, only if I'm on cold meds, but that doesn't really have to do with him per se...)

Do I think he might be good for me in the long term? Well. I think he's in flux right now with his jobs, his financial situation, and himself. I think that even though he clearly loves me and understands that I am a huge asset to his life, he doesn't have his feet on the ground quite yet. I know he's trying to get things back to where he's comfortable with them, and a tiny part of me hopes that I'm part of that motivation, but I 100% understand that it could be (and most likely is) all about him. And that doesn't mean anything's wrong with us or with him, or that we may not work out at some point. Hell, we're only nearly 5 months into this thing. If someday he was 150% into us being together in that serious till-death-do-us-part kind of way, I would give him some serious consideration. But am I in the right kind of place to be giving serious consideration? Probably not yet.

I'm hoping that one of his eventual goals, just like mine, is stability, which includes a home where there is a partner that makes him happy and keeps him good, peaceful company more often than not. I'm hoping that he wants to be with someone who wants to fall asleep in his arms every night, that's going to treat him well. Life is too short to not give our best to the people we love whenever we can.

Could someone pass me a magic time-travel 8-ball, please?
Would I like to look in a crystal ball and see me in about 6 years, see where I am and who I'm with and if all of that gym time paid off? Maybe. Because if someone had shown me me today, made me look into the "crystal ball of the future" back when I was in college, Senior year, when I was engaged and even more naive than right now, I would have been horrified. I wouldn't have understood the snapshots of the smiling 25-year-old driving over the Chicago River, belting out Nelly Furtado on the drive home from work in her fantastic little car (that she didn't bring to Chicago!). I would have been intrigued by R and fascinated by some of my friends here, but confused about how I got from A to Z.

Even if my 6 years from right now puts me somewhere totally predictable and planned, I don't think I actually want to know because I don't think I'd have as much fun getting there. Scratch that. I definitely wouldn't have as much fun getting there.

So....Fantastic!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

(Taking a cue from one of my new favorite bloggers, I was inspired by one of her posts and decided to do one like it for myself. Hey, A, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.)

I am
optimistic.
impatient.
positive.
analytical.
peppy.
unique.
interesting.
a work in progress.
brown-eyed.
daydreamy.
a bad singer.
interested.
nerdy.
prettier than I used to be.
smart.
concerned.
naive.
odd.
worthy.
heart-strong.
blunt.
inappropriate.
sexy.
a good cook.
klutzy.
organized.
strong.
demanding.
wishing.
fragile.
excitable.
confident.
moody.
foolish.
eager to please.
girly.
trustworthy.

in love with you.

that's all.

or is it?

Luck of the Irish

Monday, March 19, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

St. Patrick's Day Weekend Adventures*

Friday: Met a good girlfriend (and sorority sister) of mine for burritos (what can I say, I am a Chipotle whore) and then hit a few downtown bars. It was fun to hang out with her, but lets just say that the day before St. Patty's day in downtown Chicago is total amateur night. (I have been out of waitressing for so long that I had forgotten that little fact...) What Chicago gets is those guys from Michigan who are like, "Hey-We're-From-Lansing-and-want-to-drink-Guinness-in-Chicago! And wear leprechaun hats! And pretend we are Irish! Woooooooo!!" You know, the standard total and complete morons. Seriously--after twenty minutes of being in a bar with these out-of-town douche bags, my friend and I were ready to hide in my little downtown loft for good.

Saturday: Met up with R--We hung out with Steve (R's best buddy), Amy and a few other girls at a real south-side Irish bar. After managing to fight my way out of downtown Chicago traffic (and away from the Lansing guys in the green felt hats and Purdue sweaters), I was relieved to be out of the city for once. The DJ at the bar must of thought he was at an Irish wedding--he kept playing all of the songs from the 80's and the 90's that you always hear at a reception. Nothing like a little "Like a prayer" to really make you think of St. Patty's day, right?

I'm glad we met up with R's friends--it was cool to see Steve, he always has such nice things to say to me (like that he's glad that I make R happy) and apparently even said some sweet things about me to R. I'm glad that R's friends like me (especially the guys)...because I know that for a guy, the approval of friends, while not required, is a big plus if it happens. And...so far I think I've been doing pretty well with his friends.

An Aside About Being Accepted By A Boyfriend's Friends...
I know it is a crap-shoot because guys either like a girl for their buddy or they don't. So I know it has to do with a combination of how good looking and cool the girl is, and how happy their friend seems. I bet it has a lot to do as well with what R is saying to them about me when I'm not around, too. If they didn't like me, I wouldn't cry in my beer or anything, but I will admit it feels good to be liked by them, to have them buy me beers (to potentially cry in, haha) and throw their arms around me when we're all singing a song, to have them talk to me and share about their jobs and their lives.

What definitely helps is that I genuinely like his friends as people. It is hard to actively dislike someone who honestly likes you or takes an interest in you, I think.

And back to the weekend timeline of drunken debauchery...
We had a great time drinking, singing and just hanging out. After the bar we went back to Amy's house for awhile and chilled out. I was so exhausted by 2 am--I am starting to feel so old. I have no good party skills anymore!

Sunday AM: Woke up at R's place (surprisingly, not that hungover...), had coffee with him, went about my day, prepped my lesson to teach on Monday night. I walked through one of my favorite florist shops and loved seeing the pretty peonies and daffodils which are starting to come in bloom. When rhubarb is in season (April? May?) I'm going to bake him a strawberry rhubarb pie. I can't really cook, dear readers, but I can bake the hell out of things--cakes, cookies, pies, you name it, I can bake it. I did make some pretty kick-ass oatmeal raisin cookies though.

Sunday PM: Watched the new James Bond movie with R (he rented a bunch of movies--he is really good at renting movies...me--not so much....) and then fell asleep with him at his place.

Monday morning, I woke up feeling like something was wrong and over Monday afternoon I developed a bit of a runny nose, fever and sore throat. (Snot-Yuck. Coughing-Double yuck.) I'm still pushing through my workdays and my evenings, though...I am feeling like this week, between work and teaching is going to be a really long one. The weekend hopefully will bring some much-needed rest...and this week puts me one week closer to medical school (yikes!) and one week closer to warmer weather here in Chicago (hurray!). I do like that in the evenings we are getting more sun and the air is starting to feel a lot more like spring.

Love until later,
K
xoxo

Nearly Home

Friday, March 16, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

When you come home at night
I hope you're wishing I was
already there

Do you ever wonder
What that would look like?

Back in the Atmosphere

Monday, March 12, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Drops of Jupiter in her hair

Don't even get me started on how difficult it is to wait in the airport when your plane is delayed 1+hours and to boot, daylight savings just started. Instead, I'm going to focus on the positive parts of the journey, like it was beautiful in my sunny southern california hometown and my interviews for scholarships went well.

I had big, fresh strawberries (my favorite) each morning for breakfast, and got to spend some time with some of my most loved family members. I even had an In-N-Out burger...I know, you're jealous! For a hamburger place, In-N-Out is just about the best. Well, and Fatburger...but that is an argument for another day.

Packrat (The new definition)

Now I just have to get into the swing of my week again, and figure out when I can see R. It is complicated to leave in the morning with things I would need to stay over at his house IN CASE we decide that's what we want to do, or that we can even see each other at all. I should be thankful that I have ENOUGH clothes that I CAN pretty much pack something decent if I need to, no problem. But today is Monday, which means Jack Bauer's on, and hopefully R got his cable working so we can watch it. Otherwise, he might go to a friends' house and that leaves me with no Jack Bauer date (I don't have TV, remember? I watch movies and TV series on DVD on MacBook!)

We'll see what happens. We text messaged throughout the weekend (about once a day) and then last night on my way back I called him and while he sounded tired, (long, fun weekend for him) he sounded really happy to hear from me and is excited to see me next. Okay, time to shower and spruce up for the long workday and hopefully to see my cutie boyfriend later. You all have a fantastic week. More later!

xoxo,
K

Pancakes and Diet Coke

Sunday, March 04, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Note to readers: Sorry this post is so long. Technically it should be three posts, but there was a lot of catch-up to do. xoxo, K.

Surprise! You're not home!
Yesterday I stopped by R's place to surprise him in the morning, bounced out of my car, rang his bell three times, and...no answer. F*ck! I left him a short message, nice and sweet, letting him know that I stopped by to surprise him and when he was available, to give me a call. Driving off I was really working to stay calm. It was 98% easy to leave the cool message, and I was fighting the 2% of me that was freaking out, (the irrational 2% that says nasty things like, "He's up there. He just doesn't want to see you" and "You should have called first. See what you get for being spontaneous?")

About 15 minutes later he called me, "When did you come by? I must have just missed you." He was down the street at this great little diner by his place having breakfast. I thanked my lucky stars that I had again gone with my rational 98% and didn't let my 2% fear show through. Yeah! His voice was warm and sweet and I could tell he was disappointed that he had missed me.
"If I come back will you act surprised?"
"Sure."

It was good to see him, to have him hold me and kiss me after a long week. We had some little bumps this week in communication (we hadn't seen each other since Monday night) and I was good, I didn't bring things up, I just left all of that in the past and focused on being positive, relaxed and open.

30-second relationship behavior analysis (Fear of Confrontation):
I feel like I am doing a really good job learning to understand that just because there is a miscommunication or a disagreement or some kind of bump, that it doesn't mean that we're having a total relationship meltdown. In previous relationships I worked overtime to not disagree with the man, to make things run "smoothly." I think this is a good trait, and makes me a easy woman to get along with 95% of the time, but the other 5% of the time I need to stand up for what I would like and for what I need. I think the "Let me be the first to say I'm sorry" or the "Let me be the first to say You're right" theory is good, especially since I am usually the one who needs to say that I'm sorry or that the other person is right, but I shouldn't say those things simply to avoid a conflict. I am hoping it is actually good for both of us to see that we can handle minor issues, apologize, put it behind us, and then move forward into our day/weekend/evening, enjoying ourselves and each other's company. Anyone back me up on this?

Being a good visitor...sleepover logistics...

Seriously now. How lame is it when you have someone stay over at your place and they are a total slob? We get pissed when it's our family we're STUCK with? But what about the person you're dating???

Here are the things I have tried to be conscious of when I'm staying at his place:
1. Not leaving hair, makeup, or tampon wrappers anywhere in his bathroom. (I wipe stuff up or put it in my own little containers to throw out later.)

2. Not putting my stuff everywhere. I have my little overnight bag of things and I keep it all together in a little spot on his dresser. I don't store clothes at his place. He does have a toothbrush for me, so I do use that. But that is the only thing I have there that is "mine."

3. Not lingering too long in the morning. After we have coffee together (or this morning, he made me breakfast!) I try to get going pretty quickly without rushing (get outta there before 11 or 12 for sure!) so that he can get going on the rest of his day. When I'm there I know he doesn't do the things he normally would.

4. Cleaning up after myself when it comes to dishes, etc. Helping clear the table. Helping do dishes and wipe counters and stuff when we cook together. This was a natural part of my upbringing, to help "clean and clear" after a meal, but I make sure I'm on it and don't leave him with all of the work!

5. Bringing over something appropriate when needed (little things)
...a bag of nice ground coffee (Starbucks or whatever) b/c we drink a lot of coffee together, and sometimes he even sends me off with "to-go" coffee in his travel mugs/thermoses
...Miller Lite or some other kind of beer he likes (always a good call)

Does anyone have any other "staying over at the boyfriend's" place etiquette or general tips? I'd love to hear what you guys have to say and what you think. I am of the opinion that men (perhaps unconsciously) judge a woman a lot by how she behaves when she stays over.

The message that I'm trying to send is that I'm thoughtful, gracious, conscientious and respectful of him and his things. That I understand that things in the house (beer, food, etc) doesn't appear by magic. That I'm a pleasure to have around, someone who doesn't wear out her welcome. That it is better to be in his place if I'm there with him. I am just trying to improve how I behave as a roommate and a potential partner, because there is always room for me to do a better job at existing peacefully with others, be it at work, at home or at school.

Because I'm the Corniest Girl on the Planet...my current favorite love song excerpts
(Or, YES I know Bryan Adams is not cool. Anymore.)

Look into my eyes
You will see
What you mean to me,
Search your heart,
Search your soul,
and when you find me there,
you'll search no more.

Okay, when he sings that part, it is clearly the best part of the song.

Or how about this perennial favorite:

Someday, when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow
Just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.
Oh, but you're lovely--with your smile so warm
and your cheeks so soft
there is nothing for me but to love you--
just the way you look tonight.

Or, everyone just be glad that I didn't pick lyrics from "When a man loves a woman" because I love that one too.