The Slick Adventures of Downtown Girl

Two Steps Forward

Tuesday, June 19, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Solving the Puzzle

Why is communicating so difficult sometimes? I know that it is worth it in the end but what is frustrating is that it feels like no matter how long we know people, we're always going to be working to understand each other.

Sometimes I am glad that I have some time to think about things before people call me because I am trying to be present in my discussions with everyone. This means I cannot just pick up my cell phone because it is ringing. If I am driving, or am with a friend, or am doing something or am simply not ready to talk, I don't pick up the phone. I can't. I just can't. If I pick up a call when I'm not ready to or not in a "good place" in my own head then I know that the conversation doesn't advance the relationship and even can start little problems that don't need to be there. And, I might resent the person for calling and needing something when I don't have anything to give. Ugh.

This is another sign that I'm learning to take care of myself and handle my own needs first, making sure that I give myself the space I need. This way I'm not always "reacting" to other people.

Weekend Update
After spending the morning with a girlfriend who helped me sort out the situation (and bought me a delicious breakfast and lunch for helping her move some things), I was ready to confront the situation with R.

He called just after he woke up from his drinking fest with his buddy (hadn't even had coffee yet!). I talked to him about what happened on Friday night, explaining how I saw things his way (and wanted him to see his friend!). Basically, that my problem was NOT that his plans were changing but that he didn't let me know SOONER that they were going to change. I mean, stuff is going to come up that both of us are going to have to do sometimes instead of going ahead with our own plans. Also, that if he's going to talk to me he needs to do that without others interrupting. He was sweet and apologetic, even multiple times letting me know that he was sorry that I was so upset about things and that he wouldn't let it happen again.

I feel like I approached it in a good way and didn't bring up old things, and wasn't sarcastic, and just let him know what I wanted him to do (which was call me at WORK or where ever I am and let me know ASAP if plans are changing). I didn't play games and he was loving and responsive. I really feel like he reacted perfectly to the situation. I am feeling confident that we are getting very good at resolving issues together. I also feel that he really wants to please me and make me happy so he is very receptive.

Later in the day

He picked me up for a great date and we had a drive (literally through a park on walking paths...oops) and then got a movie and fried chicken. I haven't had fried chicken since I was a kid so that was awesome. We spent a low-key evening in and the time connecting with him was what I needed to make the loooong week go away and to repair any little lingering hurt from the previous night.

So far, so good. The only thing I want is more time with him doing nothing. If I'm with him, by his side I am content. He is good company and I love to be happy around him.