I ALWAYS do this! (I think.)
Tuesday, June 12, 2007 | posted by Kate |
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Every three and a half weeks, when I am "pre-PMS", I get all disorganized on the inside.
Suddenly slightly insecure, I don't have the usual confidence in others that I normally do. I think that R is pissed at me (or doesn't love me as much as I thought, or that something he's doing is irritating) when he clearly isn't, he does, and he's not being irritating. I think that my co-workers who are great are being short with me. I'm sure that I look fattier in those jeans (and do they REALLY go with this top?).
Ugh.
Even I don't like to be around myself when I'm simpering. Unmotivated and forgetful, I plan and think about doing productive things but then...don't actually do them or move on to an activity before finishing the first. WHERE IS MY HEAD?
What is bad is that I want to blame it on my normal cycle of PMS and period life but I think it is just my normal cycle of being, that I'm going to spend a few days each month kind of put out and not on my A-game. Cross. Insecure. Unsure. Questioning. (God, help me.)
Upon mentioning this to one of my best friends, she was quick to comment that while I seem distracted and less organized than usual right now, that I'm not mean to others or rude or anything. She laughed and mentioned, "Kate. In the four years I've known you I don't think you've EVER said anything even close to MEAN to me, even a few times when I deserved it."
Apparently I am not a person who handles having an off day (or two, or three) well. It is good to hear that I am not a total bitch to others (even when I feel cross) and I'm sure we all have those "Am-I-Crazy?" moments in life. Those moments where we shouldn't call someone, but should just go to bed and hope tomorrow is better.
It is possible that I just need to go day by day through this month, get out of this apartment, get settled into the new apartment, and get ready for school. I also hate transitions. The stress on me due to the transition of moving my life to the suburbs (instead of "downtown") and on starting school is probably closing in on me a lot more than I had anticipated.
In other news, R is a really good cook. He has even printed out some recipes from the Food Network for the next time I come over and he cooks (steaks with Whiskey Cream sauce, yum!). He cooks and then he does ALL of the cleaning. (Back off, ladies, he's mine.) He invited me to his family's house for Father's day (at his moms' request--yay!) and is excited about coming home with me in July. He's helping me with my move and is being a great boyfriend. He wouldn't be putting so much effort in if he didn't think I was totally great.
I need to get back in my own groove, pronto.
