Train Wreck, Party of One
Monday, November 20, 2006 | posted by Kate |
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Don't do something just to make someone else happy.
Long story short, C called me a few times and really wanted me to come over. I didn't really feel like it (and was, I know, slap me, waiting for R to call) but I did it anyway, figuring that I should still continue to see him even though I am kind of nutty about R right now.
Big mistake. Huge.
I get to C's house and he's barely trying to kiss me or whatever. He keeps working on his stuff way past when he should have been. We're cuddling in bed and I'm talking quietly to him, and he interrupts, "Shh...we should get to sleep now." And this is when I kind of snapped, because he had done that before. I was talking to him about something important, and he was basically telling me to shut up.
We exchanged a few more words. He asked me if I was thinking about leaving. He asked me to come over and snuggle with him. He told me that he thought I didn't know what I wanted.
Overall I just got that gut feeling like I wanted to leave. So I did. Something is wrong there with him and I'm not going to stick around to find out. If he wants to call me again, fine, but I don't think that we are going anywhere fast.
I fear that I am not getting any better at choosing men.
I fear that I am not going to find someone who is going to treat me the way I deserve to be treated and absolutely love as much about me as possible.
I am going to keep trying, keep talking to people, keep seeing what's going on with R and keep my head up. Perhaps my problem is that I'm not as good at judging people on first impressions as I thought I was.
The balls' in my court and I need to keep my feet on the ground. I'm the one who has the choices, who has everything to offer. I'm not going to let C throw me off of my game completely. No one deserves that kind of consideration at this point.
