I don't have to sleep to dream
Sunday, November 05, 2006 | posted by Kate |
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#1. Online Dating
Okay, so this online dating thing is kind of confusing. Hell, this whole "dating" thing is kind of confusing. I guess in an ideal world I could have a man that I totally adore at my beck-and-call. I would make it worth his while, mind you...
I do know that this is unrealistic and to find someone who wants to be with me and know me deeply, emotionally, passionately is rare and is something that I may not ever find.
#2. My Ex
We don't have the romantic love to continue any sort of relationship. I can look at him and see how I thought he was attractive, and will agree that he is an attractive man, but don't want to go back to living the life we were living. Even though being in my apartment is sometimes lonely, being with him so that I'll NOT be lonely is the wrong thing to do. And he's too skinny. And too stubborn.
#3. On filling my time
Sometimes I catch myself doing things because I am lonely or not sure what to do, like calling random friends, perusing match, re-reading blogs, etc. Whenever I realize that my motivation is loneliness-related, I take a step back and think about that. I should be calling friends because I want to talk to that person. I should be looking on match because I want to date someone interesting. I should be reading blogs so that I can get to know you all better. It is okay to be momentarily motivated by loneliness, but only momentarily. Understanding this fact doesn't make me not feel like being: "WHY HASN'T ANYONE EMAILED ME?? WHY!? WHY!" and then refresh Gmail like a crazy person because perhaps the reason why is that Gmail just isn't SHOWING my new email from whoever.
#4. More about boys
I guess I just want someone amazing to be totally smitten with me. To think I'm adorable, totally irresistable, completely lovely. To want to be with me all of the time (even though that is so not possible, haha). To remind me to pack my pj's because there is no way he's going to let me go home after we go out together. To be patient with the fact that I like to ramble on about all kinds of things, because I'm happy or sad or excited or figuring something out verbally. To be proud that I'm a girly girl who will wear skirts and dresses even if it's cold, and to enjoy the fact that I'm wearing cute panties underneath. Someone who doesn't mind that I am feminine and want to be taken care of in an emotional sense. Someone who's going to kiss me for no reason.
#5. Chocolate Ice Cream
I'd like some. Haha. I seriously have PMS, everyone. Maybe this is why I have so many "feelings" lately!
#6. OMFG---the engineer is calling!
Gotta run...
