The Slick Adventures of Downtown Girl

Love and Always, Reprise

Wednesday, May 02, 2007 | posted by Kate | permalink | |

Vote Early & Often

I love how you guys all said that R would handle things well.
Nice work with the votes of confidence.

I guess the only one who's NOT confident around here sometimes is ME.

He called me tonight around 10, and left a short message, noting that he got my card and that he thought it was "very nice."

The understatement of the year

I poured my heart out onto paper and he says it is "very nice." At least he acknowledged it. Him not saying anything about it would have been bad, right? There could have been NO WAY that he didn't get it--it was on his bed. Let me tell you what leaving him that kind of love letter was---it was...

Totally brave...
Completely brazen...
Really honest...
Possibly crazy...
Kind of risky...

But I'm glad I did it. I am just trying to reciprocate his feelings for me--I know it is hard for him to say things like "I love you so much" but he did. On my voice mail. He says it sometimes when he puts me in the car, too.

When you love someone you want them to love you back.
When they love you back it is something rare. How many people out there love someone they can't have/doesn't love them/never going to be with? So if you love someone you do have and they love you, awesome. And I'm being brave enough to put it out there a little bit. (Okay, a lot brave. A lot braver than I've ever been in the past!!) But he's been putting it out there a little bit too. Right now we are kind of in the perfect relationship--we're getting close but have plenty of space. We could use more time together but are in no rush--both of us have a lot going on. He's going to be here for me and I'm going to be here for him, though. As long as both of us wants this and chooses it, it exists. Isn't that the only guarantee ANY relationship has? (I know, scary!)

It is nice to talk to him at night, plan out when I'm going to see him next and then have my WHOLE BED to myself. To not have to take a shower and shave my legs when I don't feel like it. To wear the GRANNY PANTIES that are NOT SEXY but are REALLY COMFY! (Thongs are comfy but I do like to alternate if I can...) (To seriously "let it rip" and not have to worry about someone walking into a cloud of stench. Because everyone knows hot, cool girlfriends don't fart!) Okay, back on topic.

Put it out there and then cool it, Kate!

I'm going to back off for a little while (like, after I left him that note, I didn't call him and instead waited for him to call, which was probably about 24 hours after he found that note...), which means not leaving any more love notes for awhile. I also didn't send him any cute texts today like I usually might and won't send any cute texts for the rest of the week. I don't want to bombard him with the sweet, sweet lovin' you know? I certainly don't wanna lay it on too thick.

I also feel hypersensitive to things once I share--like I worry if the gruffness in his voice is that he's impatient with me when it is most likely that he's exhausted and still needs to get his stuff together for work; or if the fact that he said that he didn't sleep well last night was because of my note, when really it was probably that he doesn't feel well or drank too much or whatever. It isn't always about me. I'm included in his life but things aren't always about and don't always include me. If I'm doing something he doesn't like he's pretty clear about it. So I need to hold off on the love notes for me, so that I can get a quick grip and not have to remind myself of stuff I already know.

xoxo
K