Submit me for....bitchalyzation
Sunday, April 08, 2007 | posted by Kate |
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I forgot that part of this relationship thing meant that the good and the bad come together. The good--that when I'm talking with you about something hurtful (that harsh tone of voice you use sometimes when you're stressed or overwhelmed) that you apologize. You listened empathetically. You made sure your face was calm and sweet. You said you understood, but a little too quickly. It was only that your timing was poor, baby.
And then you started teasing me about something else.
And I want to cry. And I want to scream.
And I want to yell at you: Tomorrow's Monday! I have to go back to work and I am not pleased! I wanted to stay at your house! I wanted to hang out with you! But I don't. I let you kiss me once, I let myself out of your truck (probably a bunch of kisses and a hug short from what you had in mind) and walked into my building, stopping to look over my shoulder where you were waving.
I looked so incredibly pretty tonight, too. My hair was TOTALLY PERFECT. Did you notice how long and beautiful my eyelashes looked? I still put a LOT of effort into looking gorgeous when we're going somewhere together, especially if it involves your family or your friends. I take pride in my appearance. I am going to enjoy my 20's, and I am going to celebrate myself--let myself understand my beauty in and out.
I listen patiently to all kinds of stories about people I don't know, places I am not familiar with, things I have no frame of reference for. I make sure that my body language and tone of voice validates the listener. I make damn sure that I'm making eye contact. I am trying so hard to be the best version of me, always.
I want them to think that I fit perfectly into your life.
I want them to think I'm the best thing that ever happened to you.
I know you're one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
Actually sometimes I think that the fact that they all like me so much kind of scares you. I don't think you're used to having a girlfriend who makes you look so good. I know you didn't think I existed or that second chances even do happen.
Let's review the facts:
I am a kick-ass girlfriend.
I dress beautifully, behave thoughtfully and try to offer the BEST version of myself.
I'm self-sufficient.
I'm going to be a doctor.
Normally I would text you now to apologize for being upset, for running away slightly, for not giving you the extra time you probably wanted at the end of the evening. I am NOT apologizing for what I'm doing or how I'm feeling from now on. I am not a doormat.
I wanted to be at your place tonight, snuggled into bed with you now.
OR
I wanted to know that you wanted me to come over tomorrow night, tonight, so I could pack a bag and take it to work with me.
Yeah, I'm about 72% bitchy right now. It's probably good I'm here.
